La vera storia della Nutella

Perdonate la solita boiata (con questo post ho deciso di aprire ufficialmente l'etichetta "cagate"..tanto so già che sarà ampiamente usata anche dalle mie due sisters..) ma a quest'ora, ahimè, i miei neuroni sono stremati per il troppo lavoro della giornata (?!?!?) e questo è il massimo che riescono a produrre...
La storia è un po' lunghina, ma se ci riuscite leggetela tutta xchè da qui capirete taaaante cose che finora non sospettavate minimamente...


Once upon a time, many, many, many, ma 'na cifra of many years ago, at the beginning of the initiation of the mond, there was the caos.
One day, God (God is the nome d'art of Dio), God, who was disoccupated, had a folgorant idea and so God created the Nutell.
And God saw that the Nutell was good, very good, very very good, good 'na cifra.
The mangiation of God was long. He manged one million of barattols of Nutell sfrutting the fact that God has not a Mamm that strills if you sbaff too much Nutell....... And after this mangiation, God invented the Water Closed Run, the cors in the cabinet, and some Nutell's derivates like the red bubbons, the panz, the cellulit and ceter, and ceter. After di which (dopodichè) he invented Adamo ed Eva and all the paradise and he diss to Adamo and Eva: "Now you have all the Paradise, you can do everything, very tutt: you have the permission to eat, to drink, to kiss, to scop; nothing lavor, nothing affit, nothing concors of impiegats, nothing cod alla post, nothing IRPEF, ILOR. Only very ozious life: television, telenovels, football, moviols, process of Monday, appell of Tuesday, cassazion of Wednesday, and ceter, and ceter. You have gratis restaurants, cinemas, theaters, all the Paradise is yours: air-conditioned, autom riscaldament, moquette, parquett, tresset, bidet, omelette, eccet, eccet.... There's just one thing, remember, in tutt the Paradise just one thing absolutely prohibited. Come, come to me in the giardin: this is "the Nocciol", the alber of the Nutell. Only this alber of the Nutell is prohibited, because I like the Nutell very much, very very much, much 'na cifra and I want all the Nutell, tutt the Nutell for me."

During the prim temps, Adamo and Eva were very happy.
Adamo said: "What a cool! ("cool" is not in Italian "freddo", no, "What a cool" means "Che cul"). All the Paradise is nostr!". And everyday, ognigiorn, they discovered something new. A lot of scoperts, many scoperts, many many scoperts, 'na cifra di scoperts. One day the scopert of the hot water, one day the scopert of the spaghettis, one day the cigarettes, and ceter, and ceter.
But one day, a trist day, a very very trist day, trist 'na cifra, Adamo and Eva fecer the scopert of the first colazion. And after the scopert of the cappuccin, the scopert of the aranch succ, the scopert of the cornetts, they understood that something was mancant. "Eva!" said Adamo "Don't you think that qualcos is mancant here, proprio here, 'ncopp this fett?"
"Second me" Eva risposed "'ncopp the fett you have to metter burr and marmelade."
"No, no Eva, you know that the marmelade schif myself. I want 'ncopp this fett something very particular, very very particular, particular 'na cifra. What do you think about the Nutell?"
"No, Adamo you are scording that the Signor said that's vietat!"
"Yes, I remember, but only a little assaggiation, don't succed nothing!"
And Adamo sces in the cortil where the alber of the Nutell was and he pres a small barattol and spalmed the brown cream on the fett and assagged the Nutell.
Adamo and Eva don't ebber the time to exprimer the godiment that the tuons and fulmins apparved in the ciel and one voice said:
"Potevamo stupirv you with special effects, but I'm God, not Fantagod! Adamo, Eva, come here! I'm very incazz with you, very very incazz, incazz 'na cifra! How did you permit to tocc the Nutell? Didn't you remember that it was prohibited?"
"Cazz!" esclamed Adamo "It was prohibited! Oh, sorry, God, I'm very very sorry, sorry 'na cifra, God, I really really was completely scordat..."
"Don't do the fint tont, Adamo, I'm God, I can see everything, very tutt, and I know that you and the woman have deliberatament assaggiated the Nutell. So you have a big punhition, a very castig for your peccat. But siccom I'm sconfinatly good, you can choose, you have two scelts. Scelt number 1: nothing Nutell for ever and ever in the secols of the secols, amen!"
"Nooo!" Eva was piagnucoling "It's a thing very tragic, very very tragic, tragic 'na cifra!"
"Aspett!" said God "Don't be frettolous woman..... Scelt number 2: you can take the Nutell, no problem, let's prend, prend, but for you is the cacciation out of the Paradise. You will have to lavorar with the sudor of your front, you will zapp the terr, you'll have mal of schien and, like this don't bastass, everytime you will mang Nutell, the malediction of the brufols, of the mal of panch, of the cacarel will be cadent on you."
"Alè!" esclaimed Adamo "Thank you God, thank you, we don't interess the cacciation dal Paradise, the important is to have the Nutell! Goodbye! Ciao, ciao!"

And so Adamo and Eva were cacciated and this original peccat and this malediction cadded on lor and on lor discendents, and on the discendents of the discendents.

Infact, tutt'ogg, you can veder in the pubblicity all the ragazz that per aver one fett of pan and Nutell they scalan the mountains they stay in a tend al fredd and al gel and ceter, and ceter.

But the final pensier of tutti noi is "It's meglio faticar and soffrir with the Nutell piuttost che the Terrestr Paradise senz the Nutell."

E here finisch the story......content? Eh?

Che mondo sarebbe senza Nutella?!